Ladder Theory, submitted by Abraham. Ladder Theory has been sweeping the nation ever since it first explained scientifically why women are evil creatures wishing to deny nice guys of true satisfaction. Women, being superficial beings, are unwilling to look past the typical nice guy's neckbeard to see his robust inner beauty or his competency as a sexual partner. Instead, these callous creatures seek to force nice guys into a position on the dreaded "friends ladder," where they will forever be relegated to being bitter, sexually frustrated trolls. Either that or this whole theory is some idiot's way of explaining why he doesn't get sex. But then that would explain too much.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
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