Chase Banking, submitted by Me. I know Chase Bank doesn't have the normal things an ALOD does. The design looks like any other bank's site and they don't offer any extraordinary services that warrant them a teasing. They do have one thing, though, that makes me hate them and their site with the burning intensity of a million suns:
That fucking commercial.
You know the one. It's got the cover of the Mary Tyler Moore song except it's some kind of grrrl power band and they're all poppy and punky, remember? And there's some "free spirited" girl who got her first paycheck (which she will hopefully use for plastic surgery that makes her looks less like a gigantic ugly snake). If you live in South Central Indiana, even if you don't watch television, it's impossible not to see that fucking thing six or seven times a day. One time I was watching a Pacers game the other night and I kept count of how many times they showed it in that three hour period. I kept a paper tally and everything. You know how many times they aired that piece of shit? Guess.
Since Dr. David Thorpe wouldn't take my suggestion on doing a Your Band Sucks about the song and I'm sure you guys don't want to read a whole update of me bitching about it, here it is. If anyone can find a video of that girl getting her face smashed in with a bag of petrified dog shit please forward it to me. I don't have a lot of money but I can pay you your weight in Looney Tunes "Attitude" T-shirts.
All the amazing predictions from The Simpsons that finally came true in 2016.
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.