Coffee Donut, submitted by ReDiNmYhEaD. One of the great advantages of living in a time when the Internet exists is that it is around for unbalanced people to document their insanity. In this case a 49-year-old man known only as "Keetz" records his wild and insane midlife crisis. He has quite an addiction to caffeine, possibly surviving cancer in the process, and has gone to live on some sort of creepy religious retreat. His writing borders on incoherent, but from what you can read (...'read...) he is convinced basically everything is a conspiracy. Unlike most conspiracy-theory websites, however, it isn't just the theory that is completely crazy, it's also the author.

'Gad-Jooks' 'This "IS" My: 'Heaviest-Question-Ever'............................{ 'Let's 'Call-It': The: >>> 'INDUCED-EPIDEMIC'! 'WHY' Isn't: ---'A-N-Y-B-O-D-Y' ---'Addressing' ---'CAFFEINE' ?

'WHY' Is: ---'C-A-F-F-E-I-N-E'--'ADDICTING-EVERYBODY' ?

(...'Super-Best-Answer' ---'WINS': ---'Marriage-to-Me' &

'World-Jet-Set-Travel'! ---'Passed: ---'ETERNITY'!

...{''Sorry', ---'No, 'De-Caff'., either'!})

That's tame compared to some of the stuff on the site, which I might add is all done using some sort of portfolio template. I gather that along with his battle with the devil caffeine, Keetz also lost his job and possibly his family, as he mentions being (...'not-wealthy'...) several times. As for the rest of it, well, he seems to want to take on pretty much every problem and non-problem in the world. God be with you, Keetz.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

  • SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.