hAx0r sHiAt, submitted by K-Dog. In the old days, when I ran QuakePlanetSite or something, an old friend of mine would drop by our IRC channel occasionally to regale us with stories of his l33t-aSs adventures. Before I met Jeff K., hAx0r was the c00lest hacker I knew. This page is a collection of some of his more… fascinating stories.

<hAx0r> h3y... dId U h3x-3dIt y0 b00bZ?
<hAx0r> 'cAus3 iT mAk3z m3 wAnt t0 wAr3z y0 pUzZ!!!!!!
<Chick> *giggle* I think that's supposed to be funny. Where are we going?
<hAx0r> t0 dA uNdAgR0uND
<Chick> What?
<hAx0r> dA uNdaGr0uNd...dA bLaCk mArk3t aNd hQ f0r dA r3v3l0uTi0n bY hAx0Rz!!!!!!
<Chick> Is that a new movie?
<hAx0r> f00l... iTZ a w0RlDwId3 n3w w0rLd 0rDaH g0v3rNm3nT!!!!
<Chick> Ummm... ok. Where is it?
<hAx0r> iTz iN a tR33h0uS3
<hAx0r> wAnt t0 cLiMb a 50 f00t w00d?
<Chick> What? Hey, I don't think you're very nice...
<hAx0r> l3t m3 g0 plAyb0y d0t c0m 0n U!!!!!!
<Chick> I think I want to go home
<hAx0r> u l00k lIk3 a cHiCk I d0wNl0Ad3d y3sTaH dAy... sH3 gAv3 g00d h3Ad!!!!!!

hAx0r would also force us to listen to his horrible MP3's. You could listen to his first and most well known work, the creatively titled hAx0r.mp3, but you could also chop off your hands and replace them with gold-plated hooks. Enjoy, suckers!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.