The Original Parachute Pants Store, submitted by . This is really just a straight forward e-commerce site for one of the worst products of the eighties, but seeing as how I am on a flashback trip as of late, huzzah! I found the site by typing "dance fetish" into Altavista -don't ask - and when this gem came up I knew I was in business. I could feel the smooth and sensually fucking retarded pants on my legs. Then I spotted the picture of the founder and my dance fetish became a limp noodle. I enlarged the image of his head to make it more terrifying.

I can tell by his smile that he eats babies. Lots of babies. Nothing kills a good dance fetish groove like some baby-eater walking up to you in his goddamn parachute pants. What a horrible experience this has all been for me. Small consolation, but there is a parachute pants Yahoo! club I can join.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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