W E L C O M E T O T I F A R E T H . C O M, submitted by Kev. Now refusing to get digital cable installed may be all well and good, but some of us need an extra layer of protection to keep the evil government's dastardly "stupid rays" from penetrating our tin foil helmets and telling us to murder the Pope or a picture of the Pope or a picture of a picture. This is where TIFARETH.COM comes in; they've got the hottest and most wonderful equipment that keeps people from stealing your brainwaves or lets you steal other people's brainwaves or, well, something involving brains or witchcraft or voodoo or God knows what.

Ultra Spiritual Protection- An advanced radionic program that protects you of the black magick, sorcery, sortilegies and psychic attacks; it comes with two modes: normal protection mode and extreme protection mode; make your computer protects you now while you are making your normal life.

System Requeriments: Pentium 133 processor or higher; 32 mb ram, Video Card 4 Mb, Windows 95/98/ME/2000/XP, Microsoft's Direct X 7.0 or higher. Download the shareware version in downloads section and try it. The shareware version is full documented so you won't have problems to use it.

Wow! All I need is a Pentium 133 and 32 megs of RAM to keep witches from fucking my shit up! Where do I sign up and what Federal monitoring lists will I be immediately placed on? Let me just check the site's instruction manuals or the FAQ.

QUESTION: WHO IS TIFARETH?

ANSWER: Tifareth is one person, but Tifareth is a trinity; Tifareth is a Tarotist expert with high skill of divination since some familiar generations; Tifareth is helped desinterestedly and very close by two persons: Pablo, the creator of the original version of Tele Hypnosis, and who is giving full support for the development and investigations of new advanced radionics programs; Pablo is expert in mind control, auto hypnosis and radionics. Tifareth is helped too by Qabalex, expert in Magick, Theurgy, Qabalah and ancient pagan mithologies, especially Greek-Roman and Egyptian. Qabalex maintains contacts with occult societies and he himself was member of one. Also, Tifareth has been ocasionally helped by many others persons.

So, in short, Tifareth is one person but the one person is three people who are two people who are many other people who are all one person. I wonder how they fill out their tax forms.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.