Wheeler the Clown, submitted by Me. Now this is how to get the most out of tables! Wheeler the Clown's site features one of the largest site interfaces I've ever seen, taking up roughly fifty screens worth of space. If you had a whole wall covered with monitors, and they were all set up in such a way that they formed one larger picture, the interface for this site would still run off screen. Well, not really. But it's still a titanic patchwork of yellow and teal squares, filled with huge text links of all colors and sizes. As far as I can tell, every manner of diabolical clown scheme is represented on this page, including tired and transparent justifications for the evil clown lifestyle.
For a clown, this guy seems to be carrying quite an emotional burden on his shoulders. Just look at some of his writing:
But most of all, Dear Lord
As unbearable as my own trials may often seem, grant me the strength and the will to put my own troubles aside and to forget them while I strive to erase a few of the burdens which I can see in those around me if I will but look.
For I am a Clown, and it is for this above all other reasons that Thou didst create the Clown.
I always assumed God created clowns for me to spite. But then apparently people like me are quite common, as noted by this page discussing techniques for handling the "obnoxious child":
Keep a sharp eye out for the obnoxious child (they are usually easy to spot) and avoid him or her at all costs. Step to the other side of the street if you have to.
If I've learned thing from superficial Hollywood movies about troubled kids, it's that they need the most attention and care. Advice like that seems to be denying these children what they need most. Way to clown, clowns. You make a mockery out of your profession!
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
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