Farmers Only founder Jerry Miller claims America breaks down into two groups: City slickers whose lives "revolve around four-dollar cups of coffee, taxi cabs, blue suits, high heels, conference rooms, and getting ahead at all costs in the corporate world," and salt-of-the-earth heroes who "enjoy blue skies, wide-open spaces, raising animals, appreciating nature and truly understand the meaning of Southern hospitality." The site's TV commercials elaborate on the dichotomy. City dwellers: fast-paced, two-faced, pierced, tattooed, cross-eyed, crazy. Rural folk: apple-eaters, line-dancers, loving companions to all talking animals.
The typical Farmers Only woman loves "huntin', fishin' ridin' and muddin'," and she's not about to "suger coat" anything for some city dude's sissy feelings. Farmers Only guys just need "a pig in my blanket" or a FEMALE TRACTORPULLER. Apparently city folks and old-fashioned farmers have at least one thing in common: The tendency to create dating-site profiles rife with misspellings, dubious claims and ridiculously posed photos.
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.