Submitted by Paul Rice, Brandon Hardesty and JR Jobes
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! AwfulVision is proud to bring to you a 3-way fight for the history books! Which of these otherwise talented people is wasting his God-given talent in the most heinously terrible way?
First up, Mike Kleff drops some fairly competent (by Youtube standards) freestyle rhymes but unfortunately does so in front of 10 people at his local Mickey D's. Look Mike, I know McDonalds is the world's most popular fast food joint, but perhaps you could've picked a better venue to drop your illest and/or dopest rhymes?
Furry "music" """""artist""""" BuckTownTiger successfully recreates Chamillionaire's flow and uses it to make a song dedicated to dudes who wear skunk costumes and fuck dudes dressed in wolf costumes in the butthole. This is roughly equivalent to discovering the secrets of cloning and then cloning Hitler; or, more fittingly, cloning Hitler and then fucking him in the ass while dressed as a skunk.
The biggest sinner, though, has to be WJStubbs. This guy looks like a young (and alive) Barry White and has a seriously good voice. He even writes his own songs!
Of course this means he wastes said talent on a completely earnest song about being butthurt about getting his dick sucked. That's right: defying every R&B rule in the book, WJStubbs is UPSET at getting his dick sucked.
I think I speak for every man, R&B singer and human being on earth when I say: fuck you, WJStubbs. Fuck you most of all. Seriously, I never thought I'd say this, but fuck you more than a furry rapping about fucking other furries. Fuck you for having legitimate talent and wasting it on dickless bitch shit like this.
I am angry about internet.
The singer dove off the stage and crowd surfed in a sort of reverse funeral procession where the person being carried is the only one truly alive. Touching him I felt religious ecstasy and started speaking in tongues and requesting songs that didn't exist.
There's no easy way to put this, so I'll tell it like it is. Bouillon is died. He went missing before the weekend and yesterday I found his skeletonized remains at the bottom of the #3 soup vat during one of my swims. I thought the cream of mushroom soup had an especially nourishing taste, and a lot more clumps of fur and skin than usual.
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As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!