Greetings, everyone! I'm Nick "Mayor Wilkins" Dunn, and I'll be taking over the Comedy Goldmine so that Ryan "OMGWTFBBQ" Adams can devote more time to molesting dead cattle. I can barely wait to get started, and since I see no reason to wait, let's go ahead and get started.

Forums goon xdrquinnx started a thread this week about old, nonviolent video games, saying:

"Before the days of Mortal Kombat, video games were generally pretty non-violent. Well, there was violence, I guess, but it was never very graphic. Mario hopped on a goomba, squished it and it disappeared. Link hit something with a sword and it flashed a couple times before vanishing. You'll never get kids' attention nowadays with that sort of sissy nonsense..."

And everyone rushed in to fill screenshots of old video games with blood, gore, and whorehouses. Enjoy this week's Comedy Goldmine, "Adding Violence To Nonviolent Video Games."

xdrquinnx starts things off by arming Link, Texas-style.

xdrquinnx will get to Oregon at any cost.

xdrquinnx just can't stop cranking out the pictures.

xdrquinnx is finished, whether he wants to be or not.

TheSniperZERO knows how to make 'em squeal.

semi semite is terrible at collecting rings.

y2kdogg is reminding me of Kill Bill, even though I've never seen it.

purple_haze does what I've always wanted to do.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.