Q: I'm pathetically lonely, horny, and can't stop creeping around on dating websites. Help?


Q: I sit in the basement and eat junk food all day. Help!

axolotl farmer

Q: Do I waste too much time on the forums?

The Bible

Q: The Internet has destroyed my faith in humanity. What can I do about this?


Q: C'mon Google, these were very profound and philosophical questions and those were your answers?


– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

More Comedy Goldmine

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  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

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