"Oh shit! I didn't know you people had electricity or houses! I thought you lived in trees and were an island!"
Overheard on the train in Calgary during the Stampede: "I didn't like Banff very much; The mountains are too 'in-your-face'."
I guess this came as a surprise to these folks when they visited this mountain town known as a destination for many mountain sports due to its close proximity to mountains.
"Ooooh!! Go next to the bear, honey! I want to take your picture with it!"
You know, looking back on it, I wish I didn't intervene.
American lady standing in front of a 12th-century Norman cathedral in the south of England:
"Is it pre-war?"
I have heard comments from American tourists about how good it is that they built Edinburgh Castle right next to the train station.
I was hanging out at a hotel here in Vegas when the NFR (National Finals Rodeo) was in town. The whole city is loaded with rednecks for about a week in the beginning of every December. I was walking into a bathroom when an older gentleman in full cowboy gear was walking out. His thumbs were in his belt and he turns to his other cowboy buddy and says this classic:
"Whale Al Be Godaymned. How'd dat wall toilet know I was done pissin? "
For anyone who needs clarification, the "wall toilet" was a urinal, and it knew he was "done pissin" because it had an automatic flush sensor.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.