Welcome to this week's edition of the Something Awful Goldmine. How've you been? We're swell, thanks for asking! This week, our topic is on fast action BREAKING NEWS! There's a lot of stuff breaking in the world, and often times, BREAKING NEWS! reports are there to pick up on them, and relay the news to you and others like you. Our elite team of goons in the Awful Forums went about creating a blissful amalgamation of images for you to peruse. These reports are all fake, but they may one day be true! So it's best to look at them several times and take heed of the warnings they lay forth. Now, enough incoherent rambling, on with the incoherent show!
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.