timpanihilistic

My dick is like Keith Moon; After hours of banging away, it's been known to destroy everything at the end of the evening in a very violent way.


Daddy Two-Coats

My penis is like Nine Inch Nails. It's occasionally impressive but nobody cares about it 99 percent of the time.


Omnicarus

My dick is like Tom Waits: Performs like it was soaked in a vat of bourbon, left hanging in the smokehouse for a few months and then taken outside and run over with a car, but goddamn does it have a dedicated cult following.


The Tao Jones

My dick is like Brian Eno: enigmatic, occasionally frustrating, and more interesting in theory than in practice, but works great with other people.


AE

My genitals are like Moby. Bald.


Alfraido

My dick is like Captain Beefheart and his Magic Band. Almost no one gets it, and those who do are faking.


Breetai

My cock is like Rick Astley: it has a habit of popping up when you least expect it.


herculesrockefeller

My dick is like Akon. No matter where you go, its blasting in your ears.


Zeekay

My dick is like Henry Rollins, it aspires to do many different things but is mediocre in all but one of them.


BulletRiddled

My penis is like heavy metal, it only appeals to fat chicks

My dick is like GWAR, it's played mostly for laughs and tends to spray blood just as things are getting interesting

My cock is like Brian Wilson, it rarely comes out of solitude, but when it does it leaves everyone awe-struck and begging for more

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.