"Do you sometimes sympathize with people who have gone on shooting sprees?"
"What are your opinions on drug use at the workplace?"
I guess I'm against it since I don't want some coked out motherfucker to stab me in the gardening section? Way to ask some good questions, Menard's.
My father likes to relay this story to people sometimes. Years ago, he and his brother both applied for a position as event security for a local arena. On the written test was a question, "You're walking through the woods. You look up in a tree, and then hurry off to tell someone. What did you see?"
My father said "a parachutist", and got the job. My uncle said "a rabid raccoon" and didn't.
I was interviewing at a hospital for an IT job, and the manager asked me:
"If you saw an old woman fall in on the floor, would you laugh?"
Truthfully I answered no. I don't think old women falling is funny, especially in a hospital when they are probably really sick.
He answered, "Shit, I would."
This one wasn't me, but my friend. He's a real class act.
"So where do you see yourself in the future?"
He did not get that job.
My friend was doing a Shell phone interview and the interviewer asked "Can you speak about sustainability for 15 minutes"
At which point he opened up Wikipedia and read exactly what it said. The interviewer was surprised and said "Oh wow! This is exactly what I have!".
The strangest question I've ever had was "What makes you laugh?"
I was being interviewed for a software engineering position when I got asked that one; It was the first question out of the interviewer's mouth, before anything else. Perhaps it was intended as an icebreaker or perhaps as a deliberate spanner in the works to try to shake me up a bit.
My internal multiple choice answer list lit up:
a) "Goatse. What? Oh, Google it. Yeah, right now in front of the Big Boss and the head of HR, go on."
b) "Pictures of cats in amusing poses with badly-spelled captions on them."
c) "This question, for starters."
To my shame, I waffled on pretentiously about absurdist humour and came across as the creepiest nerd ever to show up for an interview who wasn't actually wearing a foxtail and fur ears.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.