I filled out an application for Starbucks a few weeks ago and it asked what I liked about coffee.
How is that relevant and how do they expect you to answer with a space not large enough for a full sentence? "Gee, I like the way it tastes"? "I can sell it for money"? "I have a cat named Coffee and he's really cute"?
"What is your biggest weakness?"
It got a laugh, I got the internship.
I was interviewing with two managers for two different positions. "If we both want to hire you, and we arm wrestle over who gets you, who do you think would win?" I answered, "Me!" because I wanted either job and that would be a great scenario. I now work for the person who would have totally dominated the arm wrestle.
"If you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself?"
I was still living with my folks, and I was applying at a newspaper some 500 miles away. Yes, I was trying to get away from my shitty hometown.
The interviewer asked me if I'm willing to relocate for the job.
I was asked something along the lines of "What would you do step by step to get out of this room?"
I replied with "I would stand up, put my chair in, open the door and leave". Then the interviewer said the door was locked. I rambled on I cannot remember what I said, but god damn it was a retarded question.
I got the job.
Mary Fucking Poppins
Him: "Describe yourself in two words."
Me: "Innovative and Creative."
Him: "Can you explain what you mean by that?"
Me: "But you said two words..."
When I went to join the Australian Army Reserve local Artillery group, the interviewer asked me "Why do you want to join the Artillery group?". I figured because this guy was a qualified Psychologist and a experienced interviewer that he would spot a lie or made up answer straight away. So I went with honesty and said "Because I want to blow shit up".
He laughed, and I got a offer for a Officer position.
The fifth phase of the week is upon us. Shops close, bars open, and we are free from the Bosses once more. But They Who Were Before Time await our tribute...
Hungry? Try looking around for a little something called ASTRONAUT FOOD. Or you can hold out until you get to Pluto and look for some berries... if you want to starve to death!
We'd like to thank Mr. Elba for taking the time to make this possible.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.