"Could we trust you to transport large sums of money, upwards of $100,000?"
No, of course not! I will steal it!
Applying for a job on a local city crisis hotline--
Q: "How do you perform in crisis situations?"
A: "Relatively well. I'm able to keep a calm head in emergency situations."
Q: "Do you know anyone who has ever committed suicide?"
A: "Uh, yeah, I guess."
Q: "What are your thoughts on masturbation?"
A: "Uhhh... I don't see how that's relevant?"
I still have no idea what masturbation had to do with anything, unless it was supposed to be a clever follow-up to the 'perform in crisis situations' question.
"How do you empty the Recycle Bin on a windows machine"
I was asked this when I interviewed for an admin job at a very large media company. I paused for a second and asked if they where serious, and they said "Yes". I told them and I was hired. I like to think my resume spoke for itself and he was just fucking around but I don't know for sure.
Once I interviewed for a library job with a college, hell I might as well name it. When I first moved to metro Phoenix I interviewed for a library job with a sleazy, no-account college called Grand Canyon University. It had a shirt tail affiliation with another school where I'd been on faculty. In any case, to proceed to the ridiculous question, one of the staff toward the end of the interview asked, "What would you do if a student asked you to testify about your personal relationship with our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ?" In dead seriousness she asked this.
I made my excuses, thanked them for the interview and left.
Manos del Sino
I was asked, "What do you want out of life?"
I replied simply enough, "To be happy, or at least content."
She gave me an incredulous look and asked, "That's it?"
I wasn't aware there was much more to hope for. I've been employed here over 11 years now though, so I guess my answer was good enough.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.