"Could we trust you to transport large sums of money, upwards of $100,000?"
No, of course not! I will steal it!
Applying for a job on a local city crisis hotline--
Q: "How do you perform in crisis situations?"
A: "Relatively well. I'm able to keep a calm head in emergency situations."
Q: "Do you know anyone who has ever committed suicide?"
A: "Uh, yeah, I guess."
Q: "What are your thoughts on masturbation?"
A: "Uhhh... I don't see how that's relevant?"
I still have no idea what masturbation had to do with anything, unless it was supposed to be a clever follow-up to the 'perform in crisis situations' question.
"How do you empty the Recycle Bin on a windows machine"
I was asked this when I interviewed for an admin job at a very large media company. I paused for a second and asked if they where serious, and they said "Yes". I told them and I was hired. I like to think my resume spoke for itself and he was just fucking around but I don't know for sure.
Once I interviewed for a library job with a college, hell I might as well name it. When I first moved to metro Phoenix I interviewed for a library job with a sleazy, no-account college called Grand Canyon University. It had a shirt tail affiliation with another school where I'd been on faculty. In any case, to proceed to the ridiculous question, one of the staff toward the end of the interview asked, "What would you do if a student asked you to testify about your personal relationship with our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ?" In dead seriousness she asked this.
I made my excuses, thanked them for the interview and left.
Manos del Sino
I was asked, "What do you want out of life?"
I replied simply enough, "To be happy, or at least content."
She gave me an incredulous look and asked, "That's it?"
I wasn't aware there was much more to hope for. I've been employed here over 11 years now though, so I guess my answer was good enough.
When I try to clear the ball, run into me at a thousand miles per hour, sending me flying halfway across the map. If the ball is coming down in front of the opposing goal and I'm in position to tap it in, run into me at a thousand miles per hour. Never stop slamming into me at a thousand miles per hour, unless you can slam into me even faster.
eSports are getting more attention, but these new non-nerd spectators have no idea what's going happening. Help them understand how and why you've decided to waste your life with these simple approaches.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.