"Skyscrapers killed the dinosaurs."
To this day I have no idea what possessed my first grade teacher to tell us this.
One kid said his project question was "How do you exercise?". He turned in a photocopied exercise pamphlet that his dad got from the doctor after a back injury. All the kid did was put his name at the top.
I overheard this in my graduate statistics class. Let me reiterate that this is graduate school here:
The teacher writes an equation on the board. Dumbfuck girl raises her hand and says, "Maybe this is a dumb question, but, what are all those letters doin' next to all those numbers?".
Came across this beauty while finishing up my last batch of final exams to grade:
"Literature as a criticism of political or social ideologies dates back before people were even writing things down."
I had so much fun with this article that it makes me want to give up my prolific career in low-level retail and go back to school! Thanks to all of the forum goons for contributing this week. Your contact details have been passed onto a national database of bullies, so expect the 350lbs football player you laughed at, who thought that the capital of Germany was Hitlertown, to track you down very soon. Next week's Goldmine will be Christmas-related, so it's your duty as a proud Christian solider to keep all Jews away from this website next Tuesday.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.