"The mixture had a thick, cummy texture" -a girl at my table wrote this in her lab notebook in eleventh grade Chem II.
Goddammit I hate my high school.
In a senior level Health class, we were going over basic reproductive systems again, and the teacher was using one of those sideways drawn 'x-ray' posters of a female to point stuff out. A girl next to me suddenly asks, "So why can't you get pregnant from anal sex?" This girl had a child nearing two or three. The teacher just looked defeated.
"What was Hitler's last name?"
"I thought your lungs were in your throat?"
"If you spill soda on a keyboard the sugar from it will travel through the cord into the computer and ruin it."
In one of my Finance classes, the day after an exam, one of the girls in my class complained that: "Does the multiple choice have to be worth so much? It makes the exam really hard."
Girl at my high school while debating the decision to drop the atom bomb:
"We had to drop the atom bomb because the Japanese had a Heat Ray!"
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.