Cure For the Itch, inspired by Kim Possible, written by Mayor Wilkins."Oh, Junior! You yellow trout, yes! YES! Oh God, I'm a blue fox! Fuck me like I'm a blue fox! OH GOD YES!"Kim Possible sat with her back against the shower wall; hot water dripped down on her firm cheerleader's body, sliding down her flat stomach and rolling over the ten-inch jet-black dildo which she was eagerly cramming into herself. Her eyes were tightly shut as images of Señor Senior, Junior ran through her head. Ever since she'd found out he was her soul mate - the Animology quiz said so, and everyone knew the Animology quiz was never wrong - she hadn't been able to get him out of her mind. Sure, yeah, he was a villain and everything. She had to defeat him from time to time, she had to save the world and all.But that didn't stop her from wanting to fuck the hell out of him.Cheerleading practice wouldn't start for another hour, and for the moment Kim had the locker room all to herself. It had become a daily ritual, really - strip, shower, dildo, then get dressed and cheer. Usually she imagined Junior when she had her fun, but sometimes she imagined others - Josh Mankey and Brick Flagg, mainly. Once in a while she'd stash the dildo and use her fingers, imagining it was Monique or Tara. She always came back to Junior, though."Yeah, that's it!" she shouted, her words echoing off the tiled walls. "Yeah, that's how I like it, Junior! Your evil laugh! Oh God, yes, fuck me harder and LAUGH THAT EVIL LAUGH WHILE YOU DO IT OH GOD I'M GOING TO...""Ki...Kim?"Kim froze, her hand tightening around the base of the dildo. It was all the way up inside of her; she was too stunned to take it out. Her mouth fell open, her brain searching for words. No words came, though, and now that Ron was standing in front of her she wasn't going to cum, either."Oh Jesus, Kim," Ron muttered, his growing erection clearly visible beneath his cargo pants. "Oh dear sweet Jesus.""It's...oh God, it's not what you think," she groaned, desperately looking around for something to cover herself with. Her backpack was more than twenty feet away; not an easy reach to make, and she wasn't exactly eager to stand up."You have a dildo shoved up in your pussy," Ron sighed, almost whispering. "And by the looks of the base I'm betting it's pretty big.""Oh. Well, uh. Yeah, I guess it IS what it looks like. But I can explain, Ron. See, I...""No, don't tell me. Just...please, Kim. Please keep going."Kim stared at Ron. Ron, her best friend since childhood. Ron whom she had played with in grade school, with whom she'd saved the world so many times. Ron, the guy she always went to dances with...as friends. Ron, a friend who was sporting what looked to be a huge erection beneath his pants."Come here, Ron," she said as she slipped the dildo out of her dripping pussy. "I need some help with this, and you're my sidekick. Come be my sidekick, Ron.""I...okay." He couldn't argue. He didn't want to argue. He kicked off his shoes and slipped out of his pants, tossing them in a heap near Kim's backpack. His boxers came off next, and then he was in front of Kim, his throbbing member in her tiny cheerleader's hands. "Oh God, Kim, I've wanted this for so long.""I know," she murmured as she stroked his cock. "Don't you dare think this is anything more than a fuck, Ron." She didn't check to see if he nodded in agreement or not; she quickly kissed the head of his dick and then slipped the entire thing in her mouth, going from a kiss to deep-throating in one smooth, fluid motion. He was huge for such a scrawny kid, but she was used to taking in much bigger."Jesus fucking Christ," Ron sighed. "Suck the hell out of my dick, Kim.""Mmmmrrrmmmhhh," she agreed, wondering how he'd managed to start fingering her even though he was standing up. She sucked harder, faster, letting his cock slide in and out of her mouth. His fingers kept teasing her pussy, touching her clit so lightly; it was almost as if there were tiny hands touching her down there, and...Kim froze, Ron's cock halfway out of her mouth. Her eyes popped open and she looked down, down between her legs. Between her legs where Rufus was currently standing, rubbing his tiny rodent paws all over her clit."Mmmmppphhhh!" Kim shouted, ejecting Ron's cock from her mouth. "What the FUCK are you doing, Rufus?""He's part of the team, Kim," Ron said. "He wants to help, too.""But he's a naked mole rat, Ron! He shouldn't...I mean, touching...down there...it's just wrong!"Ron shrugged. "It worked for Richard Gere. Now don't let Rufus stop you from finishing what you started, goddammit!" He grabbed her head and shoved his cock into her mouth; at the same time she felt Rufus crawling up inside of her. She started to protest, but it felt good, so good that she didn't want it to ever stop. Ron grabbed the back of her head and pulled it hard to his crotch, fucking her mouth; Kim found herself strangely enjoying it, and with Rufus halfway inside of her she was sure she was finally about to..."Well, if it's not little miss Kim Possible."Everyone froze; Rufus turned his head and stared out of Kim's dripping pussy, Ron gaped with his hand still entwined in Kim's hair, and Kim stared wide-eyed, her nose less than an inch from Ron's neatly shaven crotch. The girl stared at them smugly, a cruel laugh rising in her throat."Oh shit," Ron said, groaning. "Bonnie."TO BE CONTINUED?
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.