AYBraham

Around Noon, I gathered my bearings, bananas and berries and headed down to the Great Mall of America with my photographer.




After a few last minute adjustments (being startled by the car behind me, thus losing the grapes of the crown) and realizing that I forgot to bring a towel, we were off to find Great Memorial Day Savings, in honor of those who died in the Black Christmas wars of years past.




Plenty of people noticed & commented on my poise, grace and intriguing sense of style.


But the look wasn't perfect. Fortunately, I was able to improvise a solution. Say hello to the newest member of the Hat Club!

All of that window shopping sure made me hungry. While it's clear I could stand to lose a few pounds (particularly in the paunch, jaw and Fruit Hat areas), I decided to treat myself.





More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.