I used to be in the Navy, as a nuclear operator. My screwups were many, but nothing ever big enough to get anyone hurt or killed or any reactors to melt down. They included:
-Many paperwork mistakes (paperwork is HUGE when dealing with reactors)
-Getting shocked by a 1000 volt DC power supply
-Getting shocked while replacing a reactor control switch in such a way that I blew a fuse in the reactor protective system
-Getting the alarm that is basically one step away from causing a protective action on the reactor (something that would probably have gotten me fired, which is very very hard in the military)
-Screwing up a test setup so that water from the ship's steam system backflowed all over me
-Being in charge of someone who did the exact same thing as the previous mistake, after I told him I had made this mistake before, and to god damn it make sure you do everything by the book word for word
-Burning my arm on hot steam piping
-Spreading radioactive contamination in silly ways
-Dropping a piece of radiation monitoring equipment while standing on top of a nuclear reactor, and therefore not being able to work for the rest of the day
-Dropping a detector that measures reactor power while replacing it (the detector weighs about 80 pounds and was basically worthless after this happened)
There's more, but I can't remember any right now. I made so many mistakes, but learned from them all, that by the time I left the navy I was pretty much the go-to guy for nuclear power on the boat. Our boat won lots of awards for our great performance.
When I was overseas I got stuck with TOC (basically the command point for an Army unit) duty for 2 weeks, no days off, 12 hour shifts. It was near the end of my 2 weeks and the end of my shift (probably around 0450) and to lessen the boredom I decided to mop my area. In the cleaning supplies area I went to fill up my mop bucket and realized the pine cleaner I usually use was empty, so I grabbed the unmarked bottle next to it and just used it for mopping. That bottle was CLP (cleaning/lubricant/protect), what one uses to clean weapons.
It took me about 2 hours to clean up after I mopped the entire TOC with the oil (I was really tired and I'm an airhead anyway, can't believe I didn't notice until I was done). Sadly I don't think this is the stupidest thing I've ever done, but it's the only one I can remember right now.
I allowed an inmate with a history of suicide attempts to use a razor and he then cut himself up with it.
I work at a jail, It was a busy night and I passed out the razors and just forgot to make the connection in my mind with his name and his past, It hasn't happened before and I haven't made the same mistake since. I was lucky in that they were just superficial wounds- he had to clench and unclench his fists to get it to keep bleeding. He did have Hep C though.
I work for a natural gas company. From time to time I send out an order to shut off the wrong person's gas.
Whoops...No hot water for you, jerk-face.
I was designing a small insert paper that goes into every product the company made, and I accidentally typed the ordering phone number wrong. It was signed off by 3 bosses, so I didn't get fired or in trouble, but they printed 400,000 of them and it cost the company about $30,000.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.