The GoateeSaver
If you're having trouble keeping your goatee neat, just shave the fucking thing off. Nothing looks stupider than a fussily trimmed goatee. If you must persist in your clearly villainous obsession with diligent facial-hair maintenance, the GoateeSaver might be just the invention you've been seeking. Users chomp down on a plastic mouthpiece that looks like a streamlined cannibal muzzle, then guide their razors around its edges. This method might make GoateeSaver consumers feel manly, like old Western stars biting a bullet while undergoing an excruciating procedure, but it should be noted that those actors grew grizzly beards and untamed mustaches, and that anyone who walked into a rough saloon sporting a fastidiously tidy goatee would've been shot on sight.
This Week on Something Awful...
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Safe House; The Vow; Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace; Shame; A Dangerous Method
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How To Make Someone Cry
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Historical Figure Hats / British Judge Wigs!
Photoshop Phriday
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Aliens Unlimited: Galaxy Guide (1997)
WTF, D&D!?
Steve and Zack encounter unknown creatures in Palladium's guide to Aliens Unlimited.
