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Reborn Dolls (Thanks, Petey!)

Monday, February 2, 2009 Update by Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

Real infants are messy and expensive, so it's only natural that more and more people are opting for lifelike substitutes crafted from goat's hair, glass beads, and, ambiguously, "baby fat." Also, with The Curious Case of Benjamin Button garnering such acclaim, movie fans would obviously want to embrace the elderly-child craze.

For example, this wee lad boasts the ruddy complexion and brawling posture of a full-grown drunken Irishman.

And this dignified fellow seems like part of a collection that places the heads of popes on miniature bodies.

Only real baby-lovers would perpetuate the splotchy "retarded baby pig" stage of newborn development rather than skipping ahead to the "cute phase," like so many superficial doll manufacturers and consumers.

Unlike real kids, these sturdy models can be stored in boxes, or left in the yard to be gnawed by marauding rabbits. Such conveniences, when combined with their convincing appearance and inarguable cost-efficiency, make it inevitable that the world will eventually be repopulated with Reborn Dolls, a solution that will briefly solve all society's woes before leading directly to the species' extinction.

- Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller