Spending a couple bucks on bottled water instead of drinking from the tap might be seen as mildly ostentatious. However, paying $40 for bottled water bedazzled with the word "Bling" qualifies as completely fucking retarded. On its Web site, Bling explains why consumers should shell out extra money for its ridiculous product: "It's couture water that makes an announcement like a Rolls Royce Phantom... Bling H20 is pop culture in a bottle." It's difficult to imagine pop culture tasting like anything but raw sewage, especially as embodied by "celebrities" such as Paris Hilton (who gives Bling to her paparrazzi and her dog) and Jamie Foxx (who endorses Bling to thank the beverage's "Hollywood writer/producer" creator Kevin G. Boyd for his hilarious contributions to Jamie Foxx Show episodes such as "I'll Do It My Dammy.com.") For the price, Bling should function as a magical elixir, so perhaps it will heal the user's cranial gashes in the likely case that someone snatches his bottle and uses it as a frosted-glass bludgeon.
This is where the excerpt from an article usually goes. Since the content of this update is only intended for cool people, I refuse to place a single word in the path of blundering normal people.
Out here in the Wild West we got some rules for gunfightin', like a pregnant lady ain't gotta be carryin' iron for you to draw on her first.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.