AwfulVision Expose: msjackie69
Welcome to a very special episode of AwfulVision. Not special in the sense that every sitcom in the 80's had an episode dealing with drug abuse and called it a "very special episode", but rather special in the sense that we're going to be spotlighting the worst fucking thing I've ever seen on Youtube and possibly the only person who could possibly convince me that eugenics is a good idea. I'm sure plenty of you are disappointed that you won't get to see Alf deal with heroin addiction, but I promise what lays in store for you is just as loathsome.
Last week, we featured a video by a disgusting fat girl vlogging about her sex life on Youtube. Of course, this may not strike you as odd initially since every vlogger on Youtube is a disgusting fat girl talking about her sex life. So, to refresh your memory, I'm referring to this video:
As I finished up the column, no doubt with visions of Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka's gold-plated dollars dancing their way into my pocket, I could have never imagined what was in store for me!
Before we proceed, I'm going to let you all in on a little known Internet secret and I want you to keep it in mind while you read this article. You're jealous. You. Right now. You reading this. You're jealous. Jealousy is the only reason people do anything on the internet. Post a vlog on Youtube? You're just jealous of whatever the vlog is about. Respond to the vlog? You're jealous of the person who posted the vlog. Write mocking Youtube reviews on a comedy website? You're the most jealous of all.
I, too, am apparently jealous. I'm not sure what, or whom I'm jealous of, but trust me I am. I mean, people have told me this many a time in the course of this article (alongside the standard "You aren't funny" emails) and if you can't trust people who have an emotional stake in writing off their own inadequacies by transferring them to others, who can you trust?
Something Awful has been mocking itself and the internet since 1999, bringing you reviews of the worst movies, video games, and websites to ever exist. If it's something and it's awful, it's probably on Something Awful, where the internet makes you stupid.