Some unattractive nerd makes herself even more unfuckable

Hello, and welcome to another edition of AwfulVision™! This week, we'll be looking at the utterly retarded shit nerds do/make when they discover they can upload videos of practically anything they want on Youtube™. What happens when social pariahs are even less bound by having to act like a normal person? Read on!

I thought I'd start by debunking the myth that nerd girls are hot. Look, it's simple: there are basically 4 categories of girl:

  1. Attractive girls.
  2. Attractive girls who are smart, and may engage in a few very mild "nerdy" activities but are as much a "nerd" for playing video games 2 hours a week as I am a doctor for religiously TiVo-ing House, MD.
  3. Attractive girls who think buying an All Your Base hoodie at Hot Topic to wear over their "My boyfriends paladin can pwn your boyfriend's paladin" shirt makes them a nerd and who usually wear non-prescription glasses to further their own self-dillusion.
  4. Nerdy girls.

It's that simple. I'm sorry to burst your "I'm gonna marry a super model who loves D&D and physics and we're going to have a Zelda-themed wedding and get jobs as Ren-Faire actors and spend all our money on WoW gold on Ebay" bubble, but girls can either be objectively attractive OR a nerd. There really is no crossover between the two.

"Yeah... sometimes I give myself a lil nerdgasm by rubbing my unshaven cesspool of a pussy to pictures of Starbuck. Hehe. No Big Deal."Don't believe me? Fine. Watch the video. THAT is a nerdy girl. A nerdy girl doesn't watch Adult Swim and "ironically" pretend to like 80's cartoons. No, a nerdy girl dreams about fucking Quantum Leap movies and gets disappointed when she wakes up to find a homeless Scott Bakula tapping on her bedroom window asking if she can spare a couple bucks so he can afford his "medicine". A nerdy girl writes Everquest fanfiction and still feels so little shame for the state of her life that she plugs the fucking server she plays on. A nerdy girl still clearly lives with her parents house in her Hello Kitty-themed room at age 25 and proudly proclaims she works for a video game company (which is nerd-speak for "I'm a cashier at Gamestop").

I'm sorry to disappoint 99.5% of my fanbase. I know it was hard to get reality checked like this, but I only hurt because I love.

Critics Corner™

"Mmmmm Geeky..."
-Abestar123

"i have some tips: wax your eyebrows, maybe get a cool hair cut, maybe lose a bit of weight, put some slap on and BOOM your kool, HelloKitty is NOT geeky lol x"
-pinkmini92

"Ha! In the immortal words of a shirt i saw in Wal-Mart "Geeks Rule the World!!!" Lawlz! ZOMG! AM I USING CHAT SPEAK! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!! *assimilates in to nerd*"
-NobodiesFlame

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About This Column

As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!

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