Hello, and welcome to yet another bi-weekly installment of AwfulVision™, the 3rd best YouTube™ review article on Something Awful™! Despite winning third place, I was a bit startled to find out that we are actually the only YouTube™ review article on Something Awful™. My lawyers will be contacting you tomorrow, Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka™. You have made a powerful enemy today.
This week, I thought I would change things up a bit. You see, after the last edition of AwfulVision™ went live, I found myself with a massive influx of emails. Generally, I get around 20 emails from viewers each week, which breaks down to about 15 emails telling me how unfunny I am (I generally send at least 5 of these myself), 3 ads for various ways to make my penis larger, and 1 or 2 actual submissions. Naturally, I delete everything except the penis enlargement ads.
However, for reasons unknown to both God and man, I found myself with a veritable shitload of submissions this week. Therefore, I thought it'd be "cool" and "hip" to do a Mailbag edition of AwfulVision™. Yes, that's right. I'm throwing caution and possibly my employment here at Something Awful™ to the wind and posting real emails containing the best, the worst, and the rest of the things YOU people think should be on AwfulVision™. Clearly, I give no fuck.
In fact, to prove how few fucks I give (zero, if you're paying attention), I'm going to make you wait until page 2 to actually read these emails. So click it now! Also, I am naked from the waist down and I may have killed a man. This week is a week of miracles.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!