Hello good folk! I am your friendly local Comcast represent! (Do not call your local office, we cannot help you).
I am here to tell you of wonders that is the Comcast Internet and Cable Monopoly!!! You remember monopoly! Very fun game that we play as childrens. Many good time!
As we like to joke around the office pit, "It's Comcastic!" I think that is play on word for fantastic but my English is still lacking! Sorry folk!
Here are some exciting feature for Comcastic Great Internet and Cable Service"
- Be part of the craze! Everyone has it, choice or not! Give in!
- Enjoy super crazy RANDOM internet and cable outages! We keep customers on their toes! Never know what zany random fun we will have!
- Sit in delight for the awesome!!! unexplained price change sport. Do not know why the new bill has twenty of more dollars on it??? Too bad!!!
- If you do not pay the extra mystery costs, be prepared to have an automatic machine tell your phone late at night and shut off internet and cable next morning! You should have known better! No warnings.
- Remember, we are largest media service provisioned in the whole world! You like to fit in and have no choice!
- These are only very few exciting features we prepare to offer. One day the Comcastic Comopoly will get hands on electric and water! Hope you like to drink for only $$$60!!! A month!
It is Comcastic!
Your <INSERT LOCAL TOWN HERE, NOT YOUR LOCAL TOWN WHEREVER WE FOUND YOU AND PROVIDED YOU SOMETHING MORE THAN HERDING SHEEP>, Local Comcast Representative
<PUT FAKE PHONE NUMBER HERE, WE DO NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM THESE MARKS>