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Henchman Status Updates: A Quantum of Violence

Thursday, January 29, 2009 by Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

Henchman Status Update (3 of 4)

The status of Rock Hard Sam Houston has been changed from ACTIVE to DECEASED.

Name: Texas, Dallas (DECEASED)
Codename(s): Rock Hard Sam Houston, Rock Hard, The Baffler, The Ring Expert
Join Date: 7-19-00
Primary Role: 100% Red-blooded American Whoopass Expert
Secondary Role: Pumping, chugging, strutting, flexing, mic-grabbing,
Specialties: The Rock Hard Baffler (trademark move), waving a flag at 110% patriotism, Scripture quotations of dubious provenance, Rock Hard Saluting

Availability: On Hire (hire)
Contracted To: Adverse Interests, LLC.
Term of Hire: 30 days or d/c/f

DEATH PAYOUT: 500,000 USD to be paid to Vick McMorris who currently owns half of Rock Hard's contract because of a contract match held at 2002's Scuffle in Buffalo which Rock Hard won but failed to read the fine print of the match which stated that if he did not defeat Sugar "The Shoogie" Dynamite in five seconds or less he would still lose his contract after which Rock Hard used his Baffler on Vick, but was then hit by a limo driven by (more)

Average Customer Rating: (rate)

Customer Review:
HELL YES Hire this dude

Reviewed by Anonymous
If you want two cans of Grade A-1 whoopass opened on somebody then it's time for Houston 3:16 which, to paraphrase loosely, states, "Rock Hard just kicked your ass." Can I get a "Hell Yeah?" Because this guy kicks some major league serious ass, because Rock Har...er...a satisfied customer sez so!