Flames From Review of Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

Speaking of exclamation marks and all caps, the boat of stupidity has just come in and the captain is none other than some failed abortion named "chow mein." I can hardly wait!

From: chow mein
Subject: LOTR IS THE BEST

L.O.T.R. IS THE GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME. HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT IT HAS A
BAD PLOT. YOU GAVE THE HIGHEST GROSSING FILM IN HISTORY A 1 OUT OF 10. I
MEAN OMFG! ARE YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING????ROFLMAO!!!1 HOW THE FUCK CAN
MILLIONS OF PEOPLE BE WRONG???!!!
WHY DONT YOU GO BACK TO WATCHING YOUR SHITTY DIABLO OR MATRIX OR WHATEVER.
YOU FUCKING CRITICS ARE ALL THE SAME YOU JUST BAG GREAT MOVIES OUT JUST
BECAUSE THEY OFFEND YOU ON A PERSONAL LEVEL. I BET YOU FUCKING LOOK LIKE A
HOBBIT TOO. YOU DESERVE TO BE BLIND BECAUSE YOU CANT APPRECIATE HAVING SIGHT
ENOUGH. WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE BLIND PEOPLE WHO CANT SEE LOTR? HUH? THEY ARE
DENIED THE ABILITY TO SEE IT WHEN YOU UNGRATEFUL SON OF A BITCH TAKE IT FOR
GRANTED. YOU MAKE ME SICK. YOU ARE TOTALLY WRONG MAN AND YOU KNOW IT. YOU
JUST HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST PETER JACKSON BECAUSE YOU DONT LIKE KIWIS. WELL
NEW ZEALAND RULES AND IT IS THE BEST GODDAMN COUNTRY ON EARTH AND IM PROUND
TO BE A KIWI, AND WE MADE LOTR THE BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME YOU STUPID
BASTARD!!!!

S WALKER

MORTAL KOMBAT FOR THE SEGA GENESIS IS THE BEST GAME EVER. I DISAGREE; MORTAL KOMBAT WAS A VERY GOOD GAME, BUT DONKEY KONG IS THE BEST GAME EVER. DONKEY KONG SUCKS! YOU KNOW SOMETHING? YOU SUCK!

Last but certainly not least is a tightly compressed gem of wisdom provided by David Gilbert, a person who, if I'm not mistaken, is yet another highly retarded individual.

From: David Gilbert
Subject: FOTR REVIEW

What are you on about have you even red the lord of the Rings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Firstly Gandalf is not the white wizard (not until the second book) he is GANDALF THE GREY (Grey-white, there’s a difference)

There is no army of Orcs cumin to get the ring the Ringwraiths are coming after them

WHAT THE HELL IS A BOG-WRAITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (It’s a ringwraith incase you didn’t hear)

Arwen isn’t a princess

Frodo is poisoned by the Ringwraiths not the Orcs (WHERE THE HECK DO THE ORCS CUM INTO IT)

And they do explain about the ring WEREN’T YOU WATCHING THE BEGINNING!!!!!!!!!! (and incase you missed that Elrond kindly talks about it with Gandalf just so you can catch up)

And after the Fellowship sets out from Rivendell (the elven city) WHERE DOES GANDALF HAVE A MAGICAL BATTLE WITH SARUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT’S BEFORE THEY EVEN GET TO THE ELVEN CITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Gandalf is not rescued by a giant moth IT’S A BLOODY EAGLE YOU FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! He talks to the moth who goes off to fetch Gwahir the Eagle Lord who rescues Gandalf and takes him to Rivendell (Gandalf even says that in the film)

Gandalf doesn’t go back to help the fellowship in the dwarf city of Moria HE’S ALREADY THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Uruk Hai are not defeated the kidnap Merry and Pippin (2 of the hobbits) and run off with them (didn’t you hear the bit

when Saruman tells Lurtz to bring him the hobbits alive!!!!!!!!

And finally Incase you haven’t heard there are 3 MOVIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and they haven’t defeated Saruman by the end of book 1 and Gandalf is not back alive!!!!!!!!!!

HAVE YOU ACTUALLY RED THE BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERES A PIECE OF ADVICE READ IT AND GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT BEFORE YOU GO WRITING STUPID REVIEWS ON A PERFECTLY DECENT FILM!!!!!!!!!!!

Little Gilbert

Do you ever wonder what these mutants do in their free time and if it's legal? I sure as hell don't, because the mere thought would undoubtedly make me climb the nearest belltower with my assault rifle in hand.

Well that's it for this review, folks. I could print the other 195 or so letters, but then you would all have to scrub your brain with dishwashing cleaner just to rid yourself of the memories. You can thank me later.

Umcalima Casar!

- TruthMedia Editor