My long-time friend and colleague Joesph "Maxnmona" Fink graciously lent me his strong work ethic and sense of humor for this update and wrote about a few of the jokes. I was incredibly busy this weekend so I really appreciated him helping me out, and I think collaborative stuff is some of the best work to come from SA. Thanks, Maxnmona! Couldn't have camped out in a Wal-Mart all weekend without your help!
Yes, I really did spend the better part of my weekend camping out in a Wal-Mart. Almost everything I wrote for this update was done on my friend's Macbook, a daunting challenge to say the least since I had literally no experience with laptops and only a little with Macs before this experience. I'm pretty sure I'll just carry a Windows PC to the next "camping" event I go to. Not that I will. Why? Because I'm not an idiot.
Let me explain something to you, reader: I am still at the Wal-Mart as write this. When my camping experience is done I will have spent 22 hours in a Wal-Mart supercenter to purchase a video game system. And if that's not bad enough, it's a Wal-Mart in Southern Indiana. Bloomington, to be precise.
If you're not understanding the gravity of this situation, you've obviously never seen any of these:
On the plus side I made about $300 holding onto seats for people and selling seats I hawked off people who left. That's the only reason I stayed, and I basically got a free Wii and game out of it.
Oh, who am I kidding, I'm still a gigantic fucking nerd.
Last week we finished up our NBA scouting reports. Next time we'll have a test to tell you if you, in fact, are a "homer". Don't know what a homer is? Better read the fucking column, nancy boy!
As usual I'd like to wrap this up by saying "thanks" to everyone who takes time to read and email. I love hearing from readers and I make it a point to respond to every email. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to trade a dude a can of root beer to watch my chair while I go smoke a cigarette. My life's a joke.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!