My long-time friend and colleague Joesph "Maxnmona" Fink graciously lent me his strong work ethic and sense of humor for this update and wrote about a few of the jokes. I was incredibly busy this weekend so I really appreciated him helping me out, and I think collaborative stuff is some of the best work to come from SA. Thanks, Maxnmona! Couldn't have camped out in a Wal-Mart all weekend without your help!
Yes, I really did spend the better part of my weekend camping out in a Wal-Mart. Almost everything I wrote for this update was done on my friend's Macbook, a daunting challenge to say the least since I had literally no experience with laptops and only a little with Macs before this experience. I'm pretty sure I'll just carry a Windows PC to the next "camping" event I go to. Not that I will. Why? Because I'm not an idiot.
Let me explain something to you, reader: I am still at the Wal-Mart as write this. When my camping experience is done I will have spent 22 hours in a Wal-Mart supercenter to purchase a video game system. And if that's not bad enough, it's a Wal-Mart in Southern Indiana. Bloomington, to be precise.
If you're not understanding the gravity of this situation, you've obviously never seen any of these:
On the plus side I made about $300 holding onto seats for people and selling seats I hawked off people who left. That's the only reason I stayed, and I basically got a free Wii and game out of it.
Oh, who am I kidding, I'm still a gigantic fucking nerd.
Last week we finished up our NBA scouting reports. Next time we'll have a test to tell you if you, in fact, are a "homer". Don't know what a homer is? Better read the fucking column, nancy boy!
As usual I'd like to wrap this up by saying "thanks" to everyone who takes time to read and email. I love hearing from readers and I make it a point to respond to every email. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to trade a dude a can of root beer to watch my chair while I go smoke a cigarette. My life's a joke.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
Were you enjoying your day? STOP! There is outrageous crap going on you need to know about!
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!