Today's mysterious update is sort of an outgrowth of an old hobby shared by Zack "Geisteditor" Parsons, Josh "Livestock" Boruff, Reid "Frolixo" Paskiewicz and I. We sometimes post a bunch of fake threads in a little-known subforum on the Awful Forums known as "SA Mart Discussion" in which we attempt to sell ridiculous and imaginary items. I've always liked surreal humor like this, and if you don't like it, you can eat my dust, slowpoke.
Speaking of Josh "Livestock" Boruff, he's updating the site tomorrow, and from all the hints he's given me, it's bound to go down in history as his greatest update of all time. He's got something BIG in the works! You won't want to miss this one!
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!