Zack: You enter a huge chamber that overlooks a vast botanical garden. You can see palm trees and all manner of flora you do not recognize from the Duchy of Geoff. There seems to be stairs down into the garden.
Steve: What about the other wall?
Zack: It's a fish prison visiting area.
Zack: It looks like a salmon is in jail, a carp, and a few smelts.
Steve: I'm going to cast detect evil on the fish to see if any of them have been convicted against their will.
Zack: You don't detect any evil. Most of these fish are political prisoners being held for opposing the fascist skeleton technocracy.
Steve: Yeah I just tested you and you failed. Really bad. Because no way can a barbarian cast detect evil. Not even a high level barbarian has that power.
Zack: That's not cool, Steve. You're supposed to respect the dungeon master.
Steve: How can I respect the dungeon master if he doesn't respect the reality of Dungeons and Dragons. I mean bro I am willing to suspend my disbelief on the skeleton offices and robots and stuff, but you've got to respect the rules of barbarians or I just don't know what to believe.
Zack: Alright, but I just said you didn't detect evil, I didn't say anything about you casting the spell.
Steve: Okay. But I've got my eye on you.
Zack: Be careful, Steve. The DM is all-powerful.
Steve: I'm going down the stairs to the garden.Zack: You are instantly killed by vines burrowing into your body.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.