Zack: You see a tree stump with a vagina and a weird rabbit sitting on top.
Steve: Oh no, I'm not falling for this one. I bet if go over there and try to ravish that tree stump hard that rabbit is gonna flip out on me or something.
Zack: Are you sure?
Steve: Well now you're making me second guess. What if my only way out is to stick my barbarian dorkus into a swamp stump's giant human genitals? What do I do?
Zack: You'd better decide quick! That stump is getting turned on!
Steve: Ahhh, I don't know what to do!
Zack: That is one horny stump. The rabbit is barking like crazy. There are birds swooping around. The whole jungle wants you to do that tree stump.
Steve: I don't know! Bro! What should I do?
Zack: Too late! The stump attacks!
Zack: The stump vagina misses your weiner by like half an inch.
Steve: No way dude! I am out of here! I am running out of this park. Worst park ever.
Zack: It can't chase you because it is a stump!
Steve: Good. There's gotta be a door or something out of here.
Zack: There is a space escalator.
Steve: I'm gonna take that.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.