Zack: The SDR-5V Spider introduces the Inner Sphere to the future of battlefield fleeing. Blasts, barrages, or bombardments; when running isn't good enough, be good enough to Run Big.
Steve: At least here it looks like regular running is good enough.
Zack: Good enough for who, Steve? What's that guy going to do when he gets done running?
Steve: I don't know. Maybe bend over at the waist and put his hands on his legs and catch his breath.
Zack: I don't know what he's going to do either, but I know what he's not going to do: fire his chest lasers. That's what the SDR-5V is going to do.
Steve: When you think about it they're not really running from the explosion, they're running towards the not explosion.
Zack: How do you sleep at night?
Steve: I have bad dreams a lot. My mom said I watch scary videos too late. Spider is sort of creepy with those spindly legs and arms like that dude who creeps around in the woods in Youtube videos and messes with kids.
Zack: Slendermech? I prefer Fatmech. He looks like a bloated Javelin and he sits in a bathtub eating SRM ammo until he shits in the bath water and then he smells the shit and he pukes up the SRM ammo. And then he laughs.
Steve: That dude sounds nasty.
Zack: He shits and pukes and laughs, Steve. He laughs so much. He is a fat wobbly disgrace to House Davion. Laughing and eating Pizza Rolls.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.