Steve: You are in your house working on some music when the phone rings.
Zack: I wait for Courtney to pick up.
Steve: She doesn't answer it.
Zack: I sigh and take the heroin needle out of my arm and answer the phone, GRAND CENTRAL?
Steve: It's Eazy-E. He says, "Yo what is up, home slice?"
Zack: Okay, first of all, he would not talk like that.
Steve: That's 90's rap slang!
Zack: Don't be racist, just have him talk like a normal human being.
Steve: Fine. You set me up on this one. "Hey, Kurt Cobain, how are you doing? I need your help with something."
Zack: "Sure, home slice. Anything for my main home slice. What is up?"
Steve: He says that this dude named Edward Barlow he met at the AIDS hospital needs to talk to some investigators.
Zack: Kurt Cobain jumps at the chance to spend his Saturday at an AIDS hospital. He packs up his heroin, acoustic guitar, and magic reagents.
Steve: You arrive at the Boris Karloff AIDS hospital. There are AIDS patients moaning and sad all over the place. You find Eazy-E and Left Eye waiting for you.
Zack: What up, home slices?
Steve: Eazy-E says "This dude is about to die from AIDS. We have got to talk to him right now."
Zack: Is there a bathroom I can cook up in first? I really need to take the edge off.
Steve: No! He's dying right now!
Zack: Alright. Jeez. I will go with Eazy-E to see his AIDS buddy.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.