Steve: Edward Barlow is dead. You know there is a serial killer on the loose. He's based out of East Chicago, he's a businessman working for an electronics company, and he is part of an underground witch cult.
Zack: There can't be more than one businessman in East Chicago. But before we go looking for him, Kurt needs to do some studying. And by studying I mean playing a Doors album and riding the horse through that magic book.
Steve: The Book of Dzyan talks about many different cults, but curiously throughout the book the word fire and flame are highlighted in green. You also find a folded atlas map of the USA. There are dots all over the map. It looks like Barlow was keeping track of his victims.
Zack: Is there a pattern?
Steve: What's your astronomy skill?
Zack: Kurt doesn't have it. How about Credit Rating?
Zack: Money can't buy clues?
Steve: What's your INT?
Steve: You think that the pattern might have something to do with the stars, but you aren't sure what.
Zack: I crank Riders on the Storm and think about dying. When the junk wears off I will call Eazy-E and Left Eye and ask them if either of them knows anything about astronomy.
Steve: Do they?
Zack: Lisa has astronomy. I'll have my agent fax her agent a copy of the map so she can take a look at it.
Steve: She figures out that some of the dots on the map correspond to constellations, but she can't figure out why or what it means.
Zack: I think it's time we head to East Chicago.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.