4E D&D - Monster Manual (2008)
Zack: Ahhhh, present day. Look at the quality of that artwork.
Steve: They're green because they like plants.
Zack: Hmmm...the entire description of elves is boiled down to two sentences. Seems like maybe we're moving backwards in elf technology.Steve: 4th Edition is like all about streamlining stuff. Like instead of some unwieldy description and history and behavior and psychology or whatever that you are never going to read they just boil it down to whether or not this guy shoots arrows, attacks with a sword, or casts two different spell powers.
Zack: Sounds, uh, efficient.
Steve: Yeah, the totally best part is when they take a really weird, lame monster, and even though it has less information than before, his entry is now really big because they have to come up with three different types of the same monster in stat blocks.
Zack: I'm getting the idea you don't like 4th Edition?
Steve: You are way getting the wrong idea then, because I love all new additions to the D&D pantheon, especially additions that subtract.
Zack: As long as Wizards pledges to include three types of Valley Elves everything will work out.
Steve: Oh, you haven't heard the last of elves. I think we'll be seeing some great things from them.
Zack: A workshop, perhaps? A certain holiday?
Steve: Blackest holiday of the demon web pits! Underdark Christmas!
Zack: I bet Lloth's workshop is a dangerously sexy place.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.