Zack: I put on my stealthiest slippers and creep across the lane trying to will my ice cubes to remain silent in my mint julep glass. I repeatedly shush anyone who makes any noise, hissing and spitting to be quiet.
Steve: The light is still on in the basement and you hear faint electrical sounds and gurgling.
Zack: "Toilet troubles," I say and make an exaggerated frowny face. "Let's go around to the back and look for cluuuuues in the green-houuuuuuse." I am carefully rhyming house with clues.
Steve: Your attempt fails. The greenhouse is full of plants. It is very hot and earthy-smelling inside. Wanda has a botany skill and identifies most of the plants as being Indian and South American in origin.
Zack: "Eww," I say, thinking about how filthy those places are. "Why would anybody want to bring awful jungle up here to make you all sweaty?"
Steve: There is a plant with strange orange and blue leaves that catches your attention. Wanda does not know what it is exactly, but its leaves resemble those sometimes chewed by native tribes for its pleasurable effect.
Zack: "Well I'm gonna go ahead and take a bite of that one," I say and pluck a leaf and begin chewing it.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.