Zack: I put on my stealthiest slippers and creep across the lane trying to will my ice cubes to remain silent in my mint julep glass. I repeatedly shush anyone who makes any noise, hissing and spitting to be quiet.
Steve: The light is still on in the basement and you hear faint electrical sounds and gurgling.
Zack: "Toilet troubles," I say and make an exaggerated frowny face. "Let's go around to the back and look for cluuuuues in the green-houuuuuuse." I am carefully rhyming house with clues.
Steve: Your attempt fails. The greenhouse is full of plants. It is very hot and earthy-smelling inside. Wanda has a botany skill and identifies most of the plants as being Indian and South American in origin.
Zack: "Eww," I say, thinking about how filthy those places are. "Why would anybody want to bring awful jungle up here to make you all sweaty?"
Steve: There is a plant with strange orange and blue leaves that catches your attention. Wanda does not know what it is exactly, but its leaves resemble those sometimes chewed by native tribes for its pleasurable effect.
Zack: "Well I'm gonna go ahead and take a bite of that one," I say and pluck a leaf and begin chewing it.
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.