Steve: I have to agree with your choice here.

Zack: Picture a windy night. You're tucked in your bed. A branch keeps tap-tapping on your window and casting sinister shadows across your bedroom. Just when you can't take it anymore it stops. Then lightning crashes and there is a beholder pressed up against your window. A huge frigging evil eye peering into your bedroom. Watching you sleep.

Steve: You don't need to sell me. I don't like eyeballs or snakes and this thing can also disintegrate an entire party.

Zack: Alright, pop quiz. If you could have any body part fly away and become giant, which would it be?

Steve: Is this flying body part malevolent?

Zack: As the day is long.

Steve: Then I'm going with whatever body part can cause the least damage.

Zack: I'd go tonsils. If one of my body parts has to become evil and fly away I'm going with the one I know I can live without.

Steve: I wonder if Beholders have a Beholder school and the goof-off Beholder has a bunch of monocles with eyes painted on the front so it can sleep while everything thinks it's paying close attention.

Zack: The answer to all questions related to Beholder High is, "Yes."

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.