Steve: Sure I have a billion fangs in a box in my magic lab and I want them to run around and get all over everything.
Zack: No doubt. Gross beast teeth dragged all over your sofa, making scratches in the parquet, fanging up the door begging to be let out.
Steve: Wizards are the worst guys. They're like those guys on the Internet who make sex toys out of stuff you can buy at Home Depot.
Zack: I don't really like where this is headed.
Steve: All I mean is that wizards will turn anything into a golem.
Zack: I don't know about fangs, but you can bet if I had the power to imbue life to piles of objects I would be figuring out ways to hump it.
Steve: And that is why the age of magic is at an end.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.