Steve: More robots need full beards and mustaches.
Zack: "Gnomes again!?" *pushes plate away in disgust* "Hang on there, Timmy. This ain't your grandpa's gnome."
Steve: My grandpa's gnome got shot off in the war.
Zack: He's been so lonely ever since grandma died and he likes the way he can see it standing in the dark corner staring at him with those dead, black doll eyes.
Steve: Then one day it starts reading books really fast and it totally blames you for all the violence and evil in the world because it saw "murder" in a dictionary.
Zack: The auto-gnome is what happens when the monster planning meeting goes wrong. One guy wants another giant worm, another guy wants a sexy spirit that lures unwary travelers to their doom, and then the bee man guy filibusters and they're left compromising with the gnome robot.
Steve: It takes the same sort of thing happening in the DM's brain to end up with an auto-gnome encounter.
Zack: "You think you see a gnome, but you also hear a sound like a pulley. Yet, there are no pulleys in the room...or are there?!?!?!"
Steve: Wheels within wheels.
Zack: Attached to the pulleys.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.