Steve: More robots need full beards and mustaches.
Zack: "Gnomes again!?" *pushes plate away in disgust* "Hang on there, Timmy. This ain't your grandpa's gnome."
Steve: My grandpa's gnome got shot off in the war.
Zack: He's been so lonely ever since grandma died and he likes the way he can see it standing in the dark corner staring at him with those dead, black doll eyes.
Steve: Then one day it starts reading books really fast and it totally blames you for all the violence and evil in the world because it saw "murder" in a dictionary.
Zack: The auto-gnome is what happens when the monster planning meeting goes wrong. One guy wants another giant worm, another guy wants a sexy spirit that lures unwary travelers to their doom, and then the bee man guy filibusters and they're left compromising with the gnome robot.
Steve: It takes the same sort of thing happening in the DM's brain to end up with an auto-gnome encounter.
Zack: "You think you see a gnome, but you also hear a sound like a pulley. Yet, there are no pulleys in the room...or are there?!?!?!"
Steve: Wheels within wheels.
Zack: Attached to the pulleys.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.