Steve: I think I saw the Power Rangers kick this dude's ass.
Zack: Did they blur out his face vagina?
Steve: No way, that show didn't give a crap. Half the monsters looked like they had a gynecologist do their root canal.
Zack: Bionoid is making me hungry for a Domino's pizza extruded from a giant alien sphincter. 10 hit dice? Avoid him!
Steve: Man, back in the 1990s everything was prefixed with "bio." It was going to be the next "cyber." What happened?
Zack: Biotech was overshadowed by the burgeoning dick pill industry. Turns out giving your fetus a nicitating membrane and thermal vision wasn't nearly as useful as 75-year-old men doddering around with steel-hard fuckdaggers.
Steve: Then we had to go and invent craigslist.
Zack: Craig fucked up everything. Life was supposed to be good, Steve. We were supposed to be brachiating around our melon tree cities and communicating through smells. Bio paradise. No thanks to Craig all our hot women are meeting old dudes in hotel rooms in exchange for gift cards and we have to pay some girl to play Xbox with us for ten minutes.
Steve: Our bonerpunk future is very dark indeed.
Zack: Dark and elderly and into gapes. Disturbingly obsessed with gapes.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.