Steve: Pursuing the most dangerous game: moisture.
Zack: When the prey feels like it is being followed and it suddenly turns around the hunting cactus is excellent at freezing in place and acting nonchalant.
Steve: Doesn't work so well indoors.
Zack: *cactus searches frantically for pot to hide in*
Steve: In some ways being followed around by a cactus is actually scarier than being chased by a regular monster.
Zack: I bet they would make great detectives in the Southwest.
Steve: Saguaro, P.I.
Zack: "Si, senor. We will learn if your wife is cheating. Also, if you could leave some large, empty pots scattered around your house it would really help."
Steve: "We'll also need someone to drive us and carry us everywhere because, btw, we are plants."
Zack: "Just set us on a skateboard and give us a push in the direction of clues."
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.