Steve: Yes! This rules so hard! Shark and squid? Why waste two encounters? Combine them for the best encounter ever.
Zack: Dean Cain, Stephen Baldwin, and Tia Carrere star in Squark: Hell Island. Next week on Syfy.
Steve: Exactly, dude. Tell me you wouldn't watch it.
Zack: I would rather chug the juice funeral homes drain out of corpses than miss a single second of Dean Cain's film career.
Steve: It seems to be the front half of a squid stuck to the butt of a shark. I wonder if it has a beak back there.
Zack: When you're dealing with a Squark take nothing for granted. Dr. Logan Powers travels to Hell Island to research the decline in population of dolphins, but what he discovers may just cost him his life.
Steve: Does he find a beak on a shark's butt? I think it's just supposed to be tentacles and not the whole mouth parts of a squid, but I could be wrong.
Zack: Reporter Hillary Ling travels to Hell Island in search of a story about disappearing dolphins, but her headline might just be slashed.
Steve: Sounds like she has a tough editor.
Zack: Dynamite expert Vic Hartigan returns to Hell Island seeking revenge for his dead dolphin, but maybe revenge is a dish best served without dynamite.
Steve: The Noid tried to stop us from meddling with nature.
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.