Zack: Do you think he likes bats?
Steve: Now this dude I am down with. Giant swords and wicked bone dudes are a hallmark of great fantasy artwork.
Zack: They had you at glowing-eyed skeletons.
Steve: Skeleton armies commanded by wicked wizard skeletons are a powerful image that connect with our primordial fears of our skeletons being evil. They're just waiting for us to die to start forming their army.
Zack: Clever, waiting until we least expect it.
Steve: And of course bats are also evil, because you can't trust a bird that only comes out at night.
Zack: Couple things there: a bat is not a bird, it's a mammal, and lots of birds come out at night. Like all owls.
Steve: Never trust an owl.
Zack: What about with Tootsie Pop related inquiries?
Steve: That's nasty you want an owl licking your Tootsie Pop? Getting his owl tongue all over it and then beak-biting that thing? Gross.
Zack: When you put it like that, it does sound evil.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.