The Gun Show, Part 1
Zack: Just about every Rifts book includes a boatload of crappy future guns. Why do you think that is?
Steve: Because future guns are awesome!
Zack: Could be, or it could be Kevin Siembieda is a ridiculous manchild and it's easier for him to draw guns than to draw a robot's huge boobs.
Steve: He draws those too sometimes.
Zack: He is the chronicler of our times. Let's see some of the blasters he cooked up for glorious Nippon.
Steve: This is the lame laser version of that tie you get at the fancy restaurant when you forgot to wear yours.
Zack: I appreciate the thoroughness of a laser sight on a laser. Maybe next time add an under-barrel gun that can shoot tracers until you feel you're right on target and then you fire the laser.
Steve: Come on, admit it. This isn't that bad.Zack: It looks to me like the sort of gun someone would make in prison out of a ballpoint pen and a couple of lasers.
Zack: Both of these guns look like the result of Stalinism. Some ministry of blasters somewhere decreed a gun, which was then described in vague terms to the head of a factory of unskilled laborers, who then lathed out some rough gun shapes and bolted on accessories.
Steve: This one is probably painted bright orange and leaks constantly from the tip so have to keep tilting it back, but then that little stopper thing comes out and it really leaks out the back.Zack: These weapons are common among douchebags.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.