Zack: Neptune, uh, you really need to take that off before you get in the water.
Steve: I'm trying to imagine what an electric girdle would do. Like an electric blanket that you wrap around waist?
Zack: You're just sailing along minding your own business, when suddenly your ship comes upon a soiled girdle floating atop the waves. It crackles menacingly.
Steve: Steer away from it. No amount of abdominal support is worth the price Neptune demands.
Zack: Some of the other ones seem like encounters you might not notice having. I don't think a boat is going to pay much heed to a sea slug.
Steve: They might take it seriously if it buys a rail gun.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.