Zack: Neptune, uh, you really need to take that off before you get in the water.
Steve: I'm trying to imagine what an electric girdle would do. Like an electric blanket that you wrap around waist?
Zack: You're just sailing along minding your own business, when suddenly your ship comes upon a soiled girdle floating atop the waves. It crackles menacingly.
Steve: Steer away from it. No amount of abdominal support is worth the price Neptune demands.
Zack: Some of the other ones seem like encounters you might not notice having. I don't think a boat is going to pay much heed to a sea slug.
Steve: They might take it seriously if it buys a rail gun.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.