Steve: The provisions chapter in Synnibarr is one of my favorites. You've got like rope and a lantern and then later in the chapter are spaceships and missiles that can destroy everything in a 25-mile radius.
Zack: "Yes, I will take one mule, a length of twine, two cups of oats and a missile that can destroy a city."
Steve: You can also be a dwarf who buys a rail gun to fight a were dragon.
Zack: So if a dragon bites you then you turn into a dragon?
Steve: No, if a were dragon bites you then you turn into a were dragon.
Zack: What if the dwarf is bit by the were dragon on board his spaceship? Would he turn into a dwarf were dragon?
Steve: There are no rules for dwarf were dragons so I guess I would say you die.
Zack: Somewhere is a little person who is furious at being discriminated against by the rules of Synnibarr.
Steve: But the dude has a spaceship and a rail gun so that should keep him happy.
Zack: He shouldn't have to settle, Steve!
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.